Central Waters Brewing Company | Illumination | Double IPA There are the times when I march into the beer store with something in mind, find it, and go straight to the register without any hesitation. At high-volume stores, this earns me a bemused/bewildered look. What kind of idiot pays $8.99 a pop for a beer they’ve never heard of, that no one else ever wants? At craft-beer-friendlier stores, it’s usually a conversation starter. “If you like that, have you had this?” Because with craft beer, there’s always something else someone wants you to have tried. “Have you had Centennial IPA from Founders? Yeah? Well what about the Kalamazoo Stout from Bell’s then, have you tried that? No? Great beer.” Most of the time, I’m nowhere near that decisive. I’m usually on the lookout for something rare or new, and all too often I go all the way to the store just to find out it’s not there. So I end up in a vortex of indecision, furiously checking out the ratings of the options on my phone, and if I’m in Pennsylvania, agonizing over the nearly impossible task of committing to a case of beer at once. I think there are times when I’ve come out from the dusty back racks of a store with two bombers and a four-pack in hand, and the clerk has been startled to realize I’m still there, 30 minutes after I walked in. I set out for Bella Vista Distributors in Philly on Memorial Day, hoping to score a case of Shark Attack from Port Brewing Co. I could have called ahead, sure, but there is something to be said for going in blind and being pleasantly surprised … and not much to recommend the way the typical call to a distributor goes. YOU: Hi, did you get in any CanuckdeBruijn Cockle-Bumbleberry Ale? DISTRIBUTOR CLERK: (Laughs, hangs up.) There was no Shark Attack. No Wipeout. Obviously, no Hop-15. No misplaced and forgotten cases of Avery The Maharaja. And while Bella Vista is a cozy home to Hopheads, the choices I was left with were by no means clear. When I saw the case of Lagunitas Hop Stoopid, I should have made the call right there and been done with it. Hop Stoopid is probably the cheapest quality IIPA out there: the case of bombers was less than $50. I was now in the mood for something new, though. I pondered and researched my options: Dark Horse Crooked Tree (not a double). Coronado Idiot. Boulder Mojo Risin’. I decided to go with the Central Waters Illumination. I’d never had a Central Waters brew of any kind. It was fairly well rated on ratebeer, but not crazy high. I was excited at the possibility of taking home 24 delicious bottles of beer. So, long after most other patrons had come and gone, the clerks who wanted to be grilling and chilling rather than working eying me warily, I carried my case up to the register. They do enough craft beer volume that you get really very little banter there at all. I bought a case of Speedway Stout there once, and that was expensive enough to raise an eyebrow. But not very high - I mean they sell cases and cases of the stuff. Illumination is a decent beer. It’s not bad. There’s pineapple and orange and grapefruit in there. It has all the qualities I love in a good IIPA. It also has some characteristics I do not love. It’s too muddled and too malty for me. I think it has the bitterness to compete, but I don’t think it’s crisp enough, refined enough. Illumination is nevertheless enjoyable, a fun taste experience, and very drinkable. I wish I could have tried just a six-pack, and it’ll be a while before the fridge is cleared out for something new to take its place. But that’s a problem with Pennsylvania, not the beer.

Central Waters Brewing Company | Illumination | Double IPA


There are the times when I march into the beer store with something in mind, find it, and go straight to the register without any hesitation. At high-volume stores, this earns me a bemused/bewildered look. What kind of idiot pays $8.99 a pop for a beer they’ve never heard of, that no one else ever wants?

At craft-beer-friendlier stores, it’s usually a conversation starter. “If you like that, have you had this?” Because with craft beer, there’s always something else someone wants you to have tried. “Have you had Centennial IPA from Founders? Yeah? Well what about the Kalamazoo Stout from Bell’s then, have you tried that? No? Great beer.”

Most of the time, I’m nowhere near that decisive. I’m usually on the lookout for something rare or new, and all too often I go all the way to the store just to find out it’s not there. So I end up in a vortex of indecision, furiously checking out the ratings of the options on my phone, and if I’m in Pennsylvania, agonizing over the nearly impossible task of committing to a case of beer at once.

I think there are times when I’ve come out from the dusty back racks of a store with two bombers and a four-pack in hand, and the clerk has been startled to realize I’m still there, 30 minutes after I walked in. I set out for Bella Vista Distributors in Philly on Memorial Day, hoping to score a case of Shark Attack from Port Brewing Co. I could have called ahead, sure, but there is something to be said for going in blind and being pleasantly surprised … and not much to recommend the way the typical call to a distributor goes.

YOU: Hi, did you get in any CanuckdeBruijn Cockle-Bumbleberry Ale?

DISTRIBUTOR CLERK: (Laughs, hangs up.)

There was no Shark Attack. No Wipeout. Obviously, no Hop-15. No misplaced and forgotten cases of Avery The Maharaja. And while Bella Vista is a cozy home to Hopheads, the choices I was left with were by no means clear. When I saw the case of Lagunitas Hop Stoopid, I should have made the call right there and been done with it. Hop Stoopid is probably the cheapest quality IIPA out there: the case of bombers was less than $50.

I was now in the mood for something new, though. I pondered and researched my options: Dark Horse Crooked Tree (not a double). Coronado Idiot. Boulder Mojo Risin’.

I decided to go with the Central Waters Illumination. I’d never had a Central Waters brew of any kind. It was fairly well rated on ratebeer, but not crazy high. I was excited at the possibility of taking home 24 delicious bottles of beer. So, long after most other patrons had come and gone, the clerks who wanted to be grilling and chilling rather than working eying me warily, I carried my case up to the register.

They do enough craft beer volume that you get really very little banter there at all. I bought a case of Speedway Stout there once, and that was expensive enough to raise an eyebrow. But not very high - I mean they sell cases and cases of the stuff.

Illumination is a decent beer. It’s not bad. There’s pineapple and orange and grapefruit in there. It has all the qualities I love in a good IIPA. It also has some characteristics I do not love. It’s too muddled and too malty for me. I think it has the bitterness to compete, but I don’t think it’s crisp enough, refined enough.

Illumination is nevertheless enjoyable, a fun taste experience, and very drinkable. I wish I could have tried just a six-pack, and it’ll be a while before the fridge is cleared out for something new to take its place. But that’s a problem with Pennsylvania, not the beer.